Heading Home

At the beginning of this blog, I wrote that saying goodbye to my loved ones in America was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was wrong. Saying goodbye to Japan was even harder.

When I left America, I was sad because this was going to be the first time I would be truly been on my own. However, my one saving grace was knowing that it was temporary. At the end of my four months, they would be there at the airport waiting for me.

Leaving Japan… I don’t have that comfort. I have every intention of going back to Japan someday, but who knows when that will be. Everybody in the dorm, they were more than just friends. They were my family. I know that’s so cliche, but it’s true. We all stuck together and took care of one another. Now, we’re all going our separate ways. There’s a good chance that many of the people I won’t ever see again.

I’ll admit that with every goodbye I said, I ended up in tears. I knew I would cry when it came to saying goodbye, but I’m surprised at just how much I’ve been crying. When I left America, I bawled like a baby in the bathroom after I said goodbye to my loved ones, but after five minutes I forced myself to get it together and move forward. I was determined to prove to myself and others that I would be fine on my own. Despite my sadness, I was excited to take that step forward and begin my journey. Now, as excited as I am to see my loved ones, I’m having a harder time finding the courage to take that same step. Just as I seem to pull myself together, something small triggers a memory and I’m in tears all over again.

The day I left my dorm, I said goodbye to many of my friends, and spent a good part of the train ride in tears. However, I was on my way to Chiba with one of my friends, so I had that to hold onto. I spent the day with his family as he showed me around his hometown, and he and his family took me to the airport when it was finally time to board my plane.

That was definitely the hardest goodbye out of all of them. He was the buddy that had been assigned to me by Rikkyo. He sent me messages before I even arrived in Japan. He had been there to greet me when I stepped off the bus at Asakadai, and was there to help me every step of the way during my stay in Japan. Words can’t express how grateful I am to him.

I bawled like a baby when the plane took off and I finally said goodbye to Japan. Once we were up in the air and I was finally on my way back home, I seemed to calm down. I could finally look forward to going home. I watched a movie and did my best to sleep in the uncomfortable seats. However, I soon gave up and settled for listening to some music on my phone. That’s when RPG by Sekai no Owari came on, and I found myself in tears all over again. It was a song that many of my friends often sang at karaoke. During different parts of the song, I could hear my different friends singing it. I really wish I could hear them sing it one more time.

I wonder if this is how it’s going to be for the time being. I’ll be perfectly fine and then all of the sudden something small will remind me and I’ll start missing Japan all over again. I knew readjusting to life in America was going to be hard, but it may be harder than I expected.

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